sorry it's been so long

well i'm in afghanistan right now and have been for about 4 months. i just reinlisted in the army for another 4 years. i will admit that the only way they were gonna get me to further my army career was if i could pick schofield barracks hawaii as a duty station. just found out that i'm going to the 130th Engineer BDE there, so thats awesome. it's hard to stay in the army and not be able to see anyone you grew up with or any of your family. it's been extremely difficult with a family of my own. me and stefani have gone through so much this last year and are doing better than ever now. on the down side here i am deployed again.

another thing that bothers me out here daily is that i miss so much of my son and my daughter growing into these wonderful personalities they already posses. my son has the most infectious laughter, and my daughter has this overwhelming curiosity that grow with each day.

stefani is pregnant again as well. we know that the baby is a boy and that the due date is august 4th. i'm going to be missing the whole pregnancy. i'm trying to get all kinds of documents in order so that they will be able to send me on leave at that time.

finally i would like to say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to a few people.

mom, i love you so much for putting up with me and having the massive amount of patience you have had with me over the years. you are the most loving person. as well as stern when you need to be. i thank you most of all for the sternness now because it made me the strong ,dedicated, career driven, family man that i am today. i love you.

stefani, i know that we have had our struggles and arguments, but we have conquered so much together. overcome so much adversity between us. now we are stronger than ever and i would want no other woman to raise my children. and to think that in just a few months you will renew your motherhood once again with our son Atreyu's birth. and once again i will stand in awe of the wonderment that you are, and provide to our amazing family. i love you with all my heart without fail.

hopefully i can get on here more often and tell you all more. just so busy out here.

here we go again

well i guess this road comes to an end as they often do. i'm writing about the loss of something i hold dear. and so it was today that stefani decided to part ways with me. i had a feeling a while ago that she didn't love me anymore. lets hear it for intuition. turns out the only reason that she was still here in the first place was because of my son, whom i only have a short time to spend with before my deployment to afghanistan. i can't make sense of all this at the moment. however i know that some people in life are searchers. spend there whole life in search of something to fill a hole and somehow it's never enough. is it that hard to find someone who will love and respect you the way that you deserve to be loved, or do we all just settle for what is present to increase the fullfillment of our lives. i need to say that there was never a doubt in my mind that she was the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. i know that people fight and people makeup. but when the other person doesn't want the responsibilities of what is ultimately known as a family how do you push them towards something better. love is lifes greatest mystery. one that i am sorry to say i have not solved. i have a clear head, and clear direction on what a relationship is supposed to be. two bodies working together to become one in spite of thier differences on the difficult road of life. i suppose the terms "my hands are tied" is most accurate. to watch the one you love walk away and to know that someone else will share the times that you hold so dear to you with her when it should have been you is almost unbearable. perhaps hope that tomorrow will offer a greater life and greater love still yet. the end of that road is not yet nearly in sight but you have to wonder what if. you always want to know why things happen to you, but there must be some devine purpose for all this trouble. my mother always taught us that through adversity becomes strength. if this is true i should be able to lift a frieght train upon escaping this tragic turn of events. let it be known that i tried everything to the fullest extent of my capability to save what was our life. if you ever read this stefani, you will always hold a place in my heart. i would not trade the times we shared for any lifetime of happiness elsewhere. i hope that when you look at our son you see the good man i was to you and all the amazing things we did together. you will always be part of the most important day in my life. the day that you gave me the gift of my son. my firstborn and my legacy. depite the pain of loosing you i know that one day i can find happiness again. however long it may take. if something shoul happen to me in afghanistan i want my son to know that his father died protecting the very freedom that he basks in every day. since the day he was born all i could see was the times that we would share as father and son. i need him to know that he is the most precious thing in my life and nothing would ever take that away. so i should stop ranting on the impossibilties that are our lifes. until next time i guess

so i guess i'll try this blooging stuff

I guess first i should introduce myself right? Well i am the oldest of the boys in the gray family at 24 years old. I currently serve as a SGT in the United States Army on Fort Hood army base, killeen tx. I have served in the ongoing war on terror in Tal-Afar and Ramadi, Iraq. Here shortly I will again answer the nations call in Afghanistan. My single greatest joy in the army is leading and shaping my soldiers into the soldiers and leaders of tomorrow. Although i have to admit, sometimes they can be quite the handfull. soldier by day, skateboarder all night. something about being on my board makes me feel like i skate better than i can walk. my escape you know? just came out of a first place finish in the regional amatuer tour.

my family

dad-we have had our share of disagreements over the years, and now tyhat years have passed and i myself can put myself in your shoes i see the patience and good intentions you always had for me. i thank you for showing me the way to be a man, and even more, a family man.

mom- the strongest woman on earth. beat the crap out of cancer on multiple occasions and still going strong. i can't say enough about what you have been through with me and the things i've put you through. if it's one thing i remember you saying that always comes to mind it's "i asked god for patience and he gave me six kids". gotta say, i don't know how you did it. you are the backbone of the family. your words and wisdom have shaped the very souls, hearts, morals, judgement, and good nature of what your family has grown to become. you are my rock.

christina- some time ago i thought you had lost your way and you have all but turned into a fantastic mother of three beautifull children. i see only great things for you and chuck in the future.

briana- if you arent the craziest yet entertaining person in or family i don't know who is. i've never seen another person bark at random people in a store. your life has taken on so much meaning i'm sure. with cory, jack and the new baby your journey in this life has just begun. rest assured you have a brother here lest you need me.

garrett- wow man, don't get to see you as much as i'd like. your life is blessed with the abillity for professional growth. follow your dreams and your heart and you will never be wrong. and by the way, it's kinda nice not sleeping on the top bunk anymore.

james- i wanna jam out man. haha. i'll always love your appetite for music and history. it's funny that i always saw you as being the next one of us to join the military. but life has it's twists. be patient with school, it's the best way to get ahead in life. take full advantage of what you have in front of you and never live in regret.

willie- the youngest but not without an aged heart. your love for the family is strong and unwaivering. keep your friends close right now because your time physically with them is drawing near to an end. set a plan for your life and work hard to accomplish your dreams.

well, thats all i got for now. for all my family out there i wish you all the best and miss all of you.


I do have an awesome family of my own.

Stefani- you are the soul that drives this man to be all he aspires to be in this sometimes unforgiving world. you have shown me a great deal about what it means to be a father. i will always look to our future together and know that what we have will never falter, no matter the changing of the seasons or the passing of years. i know how strong you are, being the spouse of a military man puts you through hardships that would crush a lesser person. i love you baby

Aiden-sometimes i'd pull my hair out if i didn't cut it all off for work. but you were the one who made me realise i wanted more from the life i have with your mother. your curiosity is astounding, a constant reminder of how fast you will grow into a strong and independent young woman. love you turkey

Taylor- the single most life altering event since i stood on this earth. so much compassion and love and understanding rushed into my heart the day you were born. i instantly became a better person, for the mere fact that when you have your first born your drive is no longer based soley on you. but rather on the new life that you are responsible for. i find myself anxiously waiting for the day that we can go skate together, build something, do stuff that guys do. stuff that father and son do together. love you little man